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Mental Health

Supporting Someone With an Eating Disorder

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Supporting Someone with an Eating Disorder

Eating Disorders really suck and are incredibly painful and difficult to navigate. They are not just difficult for the diagnosed individual, but for those around them too. Eating Disorders impact EVERYONE they come in contact with; no one is immune. Family members, friends, significant others, co-workers, roommates, etc. are all affected. I have personal experience to attest to this.

Living with or supporting someone with an eating disorder can be incredibly tough, and also incredibly rewarding as you watch them grow and heal. Hopefully there is a chance for you to grow and heal with them. Having compassion, kindness, and knowing how to help can make a huge difference in the life of your loved one. This blog is meant to help provide understanding and encouragement, as living with or supporting someone with an eating disorder can feel defeating and hopeless at times.

Here are some helpful tips:

1. Talk about it! Oftentimes people shy away from the subject for fear of upsetting their loved one or alienating them. Know that it’s okay to bring it up, ask questions, and talk. Let your loved one know you’re there if they need support or someone to talk to.

2. Encourage treatment. Eating disorders are among the deadliest of all mental illnesses. It is extremely difficult to heal from an eating disorder on your own accord, so encourage your loved one to seek out a treatment team, including a therapist, dietitian, primary care physician, and family therapist. Eating disorders are multi-faceted, and a multidisciplinary team is crucial to provide adequate care. Higher levels of care are also available, including Intensive Outpatient Programs, Partial Hospitalization Programs, Residential Treatment, and Inpatient Treatment.

3. Show them love. Eating disorders can make people feel extremely lonely and scared. Let your loved one know you care for them, no matter what.

4. Do not take over their life. Do not become the food police, the bathroom police, the gym police, etc. Individuals with eating disorders need to learn how to take control of their own lives and cope with their stressors in healthier ways. Doing this for them will not help. Providing accountability in these areas will help.

5. Learn. Knowledge is power. Taking the time to learn about your loved one’s symptoms and etiology shows you care. However, don’t overdo it or assume things; ask questions about their specific issues and struggles.

6. Remove any stigma. Individuals with eating disorders face enough stigma (i.e., why can’t you just eat?). Please do not become a part of it. Learn how to be accepting of your loved one without judgment to reduce their shame.

7. Be honest. People can tell when you’re being fake. If you’re scared, hurt, or worried, it’s okay to talk to your loved one with an eating disorder about it. They are not going to break from talking about feelings.

8. Remember that an eating disorder is not just about the food. Food manipulation or control is a manifestation of deeper, underlying pain and suffering. Although adequate nutrition is absolutely necessary for healing, eating disorders go much deeper than the food piece. It’s important not to only focus on food, but feelings too.

9. BE PATIENT. Eating disorders are extremely complex and therefore can take some time to treat and heal. Please be patient with your loved one and keep faith. Eating disorders are treatable with the right support team! Be their rock and hope when they lose it.

10. Take care of yourself. Last, but possibly most pertinent, is the importance of taking care of yourself in the process. Lean into your support system, practice your faith, continue your schedule and enjoyed activities, and if needed; seek your own therapist or support group.

Manna understands how difficult it can be to navigate these disorders, and we are here to help. Manna offers PHP, IOP, and OP services for the diagnosed individual, and individual, family, and group options for the family members/supports. We wish you all the best as you navigate this healing journey, and are here to help where we can!

-Kelsey Sander, LCSW, Director of Family IOP

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Why Diets Don’t Work and What They Don’t Tell You

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Great Lakes (1)

Why Diets Don’t Work and What They Don’t Tell You

It is overstated to say that we live in a world that is highly focused on weight loss and dieting. Whether it is the newest diet fad, social media influencers telling us to “eat this not that” or societal pressure to look a certain way, we have all likely experienced or have been affected by diet culture in one way or another.

-The dieting industry capitalizes on insecurities and “quick fix” weight loss gimmicks, blames you when it doesn’t work and then convinces you to try another gimmick.
-The weight loss industry is a $72+ billion-dollar industry that survives and thrives off diets that don’t work and having repeat customers.

Here’s what they don’t tell you:

1. Diets are not sustainable. The reason diets don’t work is not lack of willpower or that you have done something wrong. Research has shown that 90-95% of people who lose weight on a diet end up regaining the weight they lost in as little as 1-5 years. The requirements to cut out whole food groups, count and track every bite of food you put on your fork, buy expensive products or only eat during a few specific hours of the day are not realistic for most people to maintain over time. This ideology is actually very harmful.

2. Diets can create a restrictive mindset and an unhealthy relationship with food and your body. By following a restrictive diet, we begin to see food through a lens of judgement and ignore our bodies natural hunger, fullness cues and cravings. Our hunger and fullness cues are controlled by hormones in the body which are the body’s communication system to have our physical needs met.
-When honored properly, they guide us to get the nutrition our body needs to function well.
-When ignored, they can easily be thrown off and make intuitive eating and fueling our body much more difficult.

Restricting food, dieting and judgment around certain foods can ultimately lead to feeling impulsive and chaotic around certain foods. In turn, we may experience overeating as a result.

3. Our body does not understand dieting. The body’s main goal is to keep you alive and it needs adequate food and nutrition to do so. When we restrict our food intake, over time our body begins to enter what is sometimes referred to as “starvation mode”. This has both physiological and psychological effects.

-Physiological effects: lower physical energy, nutrient deficiencies, inefficient digestion, slower metabolism, and muscle loss
-Psychological effects: mood dysregulation, higher stress and anxiety, increased risk for disordered eating, an eating disorder and decreased enjoyment of food

Healing your relationship with food and your body is a process that is incredibly rewarding. Pushing back against societal weight standards and pursuing health for your whole being (physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual) can bring so much freedom. This can look different for every person, but can include incorporating joyful movement and working to eliminate food guilt. Learning stress management and honoring your body’s natural cues and cravings can help you to regain respect and trust with your body.

If you are interested in working with a dietitian or therapist to begin this journey, Manna is here to support you!

-Tori Payton, MS, LD, RD, Director of Eating Disorders IOP

The Story of Manna

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Great Lakes

Then, There Goes God…

As a 54-year-old woman, I have seen the changes in myself throughout my life. Whereas I used to obsess about my physical body, my behavior, and whether I was “ok” in my relationships, I do not worry about such things now. Rather, I focus my energies on how to best lead and by how I serve others. (And how to take care of my body so I don’t throw my back out when I sneeze.)

When I was younger, the unconscious goal was to “prove” my lovability and worth. Exercise, diet, calories, weight, was all the internal rage. “Did he look at me?” turned into “does he like me” and “am I good enough?” I was an anxious wreck. All the anxiety and obsessiveness were focused on… ME. I never would have imagined that I was “self-centered” because, well, I was focused on my flaws – both real and imagined. However, that is exactly what I was being!

Then, There Goes God…

Despite my fears and challenges, God used me. He used the 17-year-old who did a round robin of binging-purging-restricting while screaming “God, why do you hate me so much?!?” He used my fears, struggles, and need to be loved WHILE he was using me to build an amazing organization. He used my imperfections and internal doubts WHILE he was knocking down my original wounds and re-building me into a leader that developed an organization that is after His heart and is doing His work.

Manna Scholarship Fund, Inc, was created in 2006 by two women who only knew eating disorders from the inside-out. Manna is known in the bible as “bread from heaven,” “bread of life,” and is Jesus in the New Testament. While the Israelites were being led through the desert by God, they cried out, “feed us!” and that is just what God did. He gave them Manna each day (except the Sabbath). Manna literally means, “what is it?” because they had never seen anything like it on the desert floor.

However, six out of seven days each week, they slept and woke up to little frosted-flakeish, possibly mushroomy, edible pieces on the desert floor. I have no idea how they got the sand out of it, but that’s one of those questions that will have to wait until I’m resting in Heaven. So, the only rule was, “don’t take too much” because it would spoil. They literally had to trust God to get their daily bread, and he delivered. When they wanted meat, God gave them quail.

At Manna Fund, we hope our clients will trust us as they are going through their emotional and spiritual desert. We hope that they will take just enough food to get them through their day – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We support them in helping to understanding just what really hurts and how their eating disorder (or other behaviors) are hurting them too. Ultimately, we hope that they see a good God through a supportive, loving, and healing staff. We offer Manna as the environment to help them confront what hurts and how to break free from the pain.

There goes God… using hope for healing and helping. That’s why our motto is, “Supporting individuals from Surviving, to Thriving, to Leading”… because that’s just what happened to all of us at Manna.

Eating Disorder Recovery in the New Year

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Every new year there is renewed focus on change. Which brings up the common question; can people really change? In recovery, yes I believe people can change. I changed.

One of my favorite things about pursuing recovery is that I got to start over. Once I went through treatment and my eating disorder wasn’t consuming my identity anymore, I felt like I was left with a blank slate. I had been in my eating disorder for a long time. My safety and my identity were dependent on my appearance, my perfectionism, my rigidity. I remember trying to explain this to my residential therapist using my driver’s license/ID card as an example. I told her “My ID has a face on it and a name, and that’s ME. If what I look like changes that messes everything up”. Of course there were a lot of loop holes to my argument as it was only subject to if my weight changed (not hairstyle, make up, etc.), and the rule only applied to me. Nevertheless, when I was in my eating disorder that was the way my mind worked and it seemed to like a perfectly valid argument. But over time, with a lot of therapy I started to heal and my eating disorder started losing it’s grip. I began to see that my identity was not tied to my appearance or my achievement. Which left me feeling like I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t know what I enjoyed. I wasn’t even sure what personality characteristics I had outside of my former rigidity and perfectionism. It felt scary to not know who I was. Until my therapist told my I get to choose! I had not considered that. It was the most exciting and freeing thing she could have told me.

When deciding what characteristics I wanted to have I started with what I knew. I knew someone who was generous and I liked that, so I decided to be generous. I knew another person who spoke boldly and I liked that too, so I began to speak boldly. I knew another person who embraced her awkwardness instead of trying to hide it. I admired that because she seemed so strong in that way. So I made it a point to not hide my awkwardness, and instead embrace it. I knew someone who’s faith in Jesus carried her through anxiety and gave her a sense of safety and peace that the world can’t offer. I wanted that too, so I pursued a deeper relationship with Jesus. Those things are still part of who I am today. I have changed.

A new year in recovery means we get to be who we want to be. Breaking away from an eating disorder means we get to start choosing what we want to be like. That’s something worth celebrating. And certainly worth fighting for. I hope this new year brings hope, peace, and patience for those fighting for recovery. Happy New Year!

– Manna Alumni

@Mannafund 3

In the Silence

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Sometimes I go through seasons
When I feel anxious as night draws near.
As everything slows down around me
My insecurities reappear.
A kink in my armor
Here and there.
When silence comes
I'm quite aware.
Why is it hard to sit in silence?

I feel it in my body
When my thoughts start pouring free.
Without the world's distractions
They begin to overwhelm me.
With "what ifs" and self-critiques,
These aren't my savior's words.
I write, I pray, I listen
And this is what I heard
"Why is it hard to sit in silence?"

Abide in me and I in you
And you will get your fill.
There will be good fruit from you,
I ask you to be still
(In the silence)".

The Silence

Inside a Gymnast’s Mind

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Gymanstics 1024X1024 1So, I'm no ordinary therapist. I was once a gymnast under the now famous coach, Al Fong. Al has had several women compete in the Olympics and was there, waiting out the COVID time with his gymnasts Kara Eaker and Leanne Wong, until recently.

Gymnastics is an interesting sport. It's focused on "perfection" but is impossible to do without a team. You learn tricks together, you struggle through conditioning, you compete, you cry, you laugh, you fight. You are together all. The. Time.

I saw my gymnastics "family" more than I saw my own family. They felt like sisters. Our head coach felt more like a dad than my own because I saw him for four hours, six days a week. He yelled at us, supported us, laughed with us, and was a very positive role model in my life.

As a psychologist now, I think back on those six extremely formative years in my life. I had a very bad fall during a trick on bars that knocked me out and changed the course of my physical and gymnastics career. I still suffer from the fall and have to have chiropractic care and stretch it on a daily basis.

I was NEVER meant for the Olympics. I didn't have the drive to do it. I recall having that conversation with my coach:

Al: "Genie, do you see yourself as going to the Olympics?"

Me: "uhh…(getting sick to my stomach)…no. I don't want to work that hard."

Al: "Ok, I am looking to form my international team. Let me know if you change your mind."

I knew as a 12-year-old that going that far was going to be so hard. So much work. So much sacrifice. I didn't want to do that. I wasn't made to be an Olympian, and I definitely made the right choice for myself.

What people don't see when they watch the Olympics is the day-in, day-out process. It's grueling. Rips, tears in your hands, bruises on your body from falling off beam, missing the bar, and twisting your ankles. Gymnastics is a BRUTAL sport. And more than being physical, it's mental. You have to rehearse routines physically as well as mentally. Over. And over. And over. And over.

And so, if you aren't in a good head space, and are at the Olympic level, it can be deadly.

Simone, I was never in your league. I applaud your perseverance and your dedication. However, if you needed to stop, pull out of that competition, and take care of yourself, BRAVO. It doesn't matter the reason. You have just shown the world that you as a person are far more important than what you do. You have just shown the world that having boundaries - which protect yourself as much as the other person - is the key to being a leader, a role model, and a CHAMPION.

I will use your example to support my clients that struggle with eating disorders and trauma. In therapy, we teach our clients to have a voice. You have just shown the world how to have a voice. A voice that protects, perseveres, and says, "no, not today."

Bravo, lady, bravo. I stand and applaud you.

Dr. Genie Burnett

Thanksgiving in Recovery

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ThanksgivingThanksgiving has been a pretty difficult holiday for me in the past. Once word got out that I was in treatment for an eating disorder, there was no hiding it anymore. No more sneaking away to dump my plate. All eyes are on me on Thanksgiving. I was in treatment for several years, from residential treatment to individual therapy. I did several Thanksgivings while in treatment, and I've picked up some tricks along the way that help me enjoy the holiday. I am recovered now, and I have a healthy relationship with food and my body, praise God!

With Thanksgiving focusing so much on food, I've found that lightening the mood helps me a lot. I always bring games for my family and I to play. When I laugh my anxiety takes a back seat. As my anxiety gets back under control my stomach feels better and it's so much easier for me to eat. Plus games bring my family together like nothing else.

Another thing I've learned is to not go into Thanksgiving worrying about what other people think of me. There was one Thanksgiving (while in treatment) when I was determined to appear as though I was "like everyone else". I wanted to eat a lot at the Thanksgiving meal in front of my family so that they would think I was doing well. I wanted them to be proud of me. But the truth was I was still terrified of weight gain. I decided I would just eat all of my calories at one meal, Thanksgiving dinner. It backfired horribly. Going from empty to super full was too much for me to handle. While some people might be able to eat just one giant meal on Thanksgiving, I think for a lot of people in recovery going from empty to stuffed is pretty overwhelming. It certainly was for me. I might have pulled off the illusion to my family that I was doing well, but it cost me. In a panic, I ended up in tears after using eating disorder behaviors to get rid of the fullness. I had not used eating disorder behaviors in several months and was so disappointed that I had let myself slip up. All because I was so concerned about what my family thought of me.

Finally, as I have healed, I have learned how to stay in my own lane. My recovery is MY recovery. My family and friends will make comments about how fattening their Thanksgiving food is. They will make comments about their weight. And they will talk about their post-dinner exercise plans to "make up for it". It's all they know. It has nothing to do with me, the way I eat, or the way I see my body. While I don't like their comments, I acknowledge that they haven't taken those thoughts to the extreme obsession that I have in the past. Their "stuff" is separate from mine. I know they have no way of truly understanding the living Hell that eating disorders are, and what I have been delivered from. So I lead by example. All eyes are still on me at Thanksgiving, but now for a different reason, I think. I eat what I want without guilt. I talk about how yummy the food is. I keep my eyes on my own plate. I don't owe anyone an explanation for what's on my plate and I have nothing to prove. I laugh, I play, and I give thanks.

My tricks for enjoying Thanksgiving in recovery have nothing to do with food. These are things that help calm my anxiety and change the way I think. I hope this finds everyone well this holiday season. I pray that this Thanksgiving will be a time of thanks and grace in the lives of those in recovery and their families. Full recovery is possible. Healing is possible.

Mental Health Awareness Month

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Mental Health Awareness MonthOften times when the topic of health comes about, we tend to focus on the physical. We are reminded to exercise regularly and eat healthy so that our bodies can be well-maintained. Mental health has frequently been left out of the conversation of individual's overall heath. Defined as a person's condition with regards to their psychological and emotional well-being, mental health has an endless impact on our day to day lives. Generally speaking, mental health becomes the focus when there is an 'illness' involved. When an individual is unable to maintain their emotional wellness is when we become more aware of the importance of mental health, but this does not have to be the case.

Your mental well-being can be exercised, similarly to when you would go on a run to maintain your cardiovascular health. The more time you spend proactively insuring your mental well-being, the more prepared you will be when life deals you a difficult situation. Stress tolerance, coping skills, and self-care are areas that you can become more well versed in, so as to maintain your emotional well-being.

Take some time to find ways to be proactive about your mental health, avoiding having to be reactive in situations to come.

Nancie Ferdinand, LAPC

The “Average” Robin Williams

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Robin WilliamsThe death of Robin Williams this week has stimulated a lot of buzz about depression and mental illness in general.  Many ask "How could he do that? Why? What was going on in his mind?"  Truth is, no one can really tell who has a mental illness, or why they decide that death is better than the pain they feel.

I've dealt with many people who have varying levels of depression - in my office, in my personal life, and at times, personally.   I really don't even like the word depression, because I have learned that it is a combination of factors that interact and can take on a life of their own.

Compare depression to the structure of a house:

  • The cement foundation = genetics.  Some are predisposed to the genetics of emotional instability.

  • The truss (main support beam) is equivalent to negative beliefs, which supports the rest of the structure.

  • The floors are akin to negative feelings, which may be wobbly or uneven.

  • The walls are like the negative actions, which is what we see, cover up, and observe most readily.

Once this structure has been created, an internal cycle emerges. This cycle can range in intensity, which, when severe enough, can cause negative thoughts and feelings to feel like a black hole.  This is when reality becomes vague - to the point that the depressed person loses touch with him/herself and what is truth.  I've had clients tell me that they get into an emotional fog and lose memory, and become desperate to make the pain stop.  Some people act out their pain (self-injury, gambling, drinking, e.g.) others act inwards, towards themselves.  Suicide is an act which involves both.

The negative cycle in depression is a part of why people develop eating disorders.  They have the underlying structure and cycle that results in bingeing, purging, restricting or any combination thereof.  I want to educate others about the "why" of eating disorders, and believe that the words of a recent 16 year-old client beautifully illustrate her experience of how her depression and Binge Eating connect:

After my friend read my private journal, which had my most private thoughts in it, she told my school counselor, who then told my parents.  She also told some of my friends, which caused me to feel really uncomfortable, because I wanted to be "off the radar."  I felt that I was treated like I was retarded, that everyone was walking on eggshells around me.  I pretended that I was happy, and hid behind my smile and "party" behavior.  I began to drink excessively to cope with the lies, pain, and depression.  I ate in order to smother the tears that tried to come out - and to help myself feel my body again.  I really don't remember much about my life during that time because was in a mental and emotional fog.  My life became a blur - I don't recall situations that my friends would talk to me about.  I felt disconnected from myself and my life - like I wasn't in my body, but I was watching me from above.  When I found out that it wasn't normal, that's when I became more angry, scared, hurt, and felt like it [my pain] was bubbling out all over the place.  That's when I decided to come and see you.

Fortunately, she is now well on her way to recovery.  She has learned to use her voice and communicate the unspeakable pain she's kept inside.  She continues to develop new beliefs about who she is, versus believing that she is unlovable or unimportant.  She is learning how to manage her racing thoughts and overwhelming feelings.  She is growing by leaning into her pain.

If you are an "Average" Robin Williams, and have been stuffing, avoiding, or acting out your pain in destructive ways, please seek a professional that you trust. Talk to them like you've never talked before. Find your voice. Take your medication, if it's warranted.  Keep trying.

You CAN restructure and redecorate that house without tearing it down.