Mental Health

Thanksgiving in Recovery

November 21, 2020 By Genie Burnett

Thanksgiving has been a pretty difficult holiday for me in the past. Once word got out that I was in treatment for an eating disorder, there was no hiding it anymore. No more sneaking away to dump my plate. All eyes are on me on Thanksgiving. I was in treatment for several years, from residential treatment to individual therapy. I did several Thanksgivings while in treatment, and I've picked up some tricks along the way that help me enjoy the holiday. I am recovered now, and I have a healthy relationship with food and my body, praise God!

With Thanksgiving focusing so much on food, I've found that lightening the mood helps me a lot. I always bring games for my family and I to play. When I laugh my anxiety takes a back seat. As my anxiety gets back under control my stomach feels better and it's so much easier for me to eat. Plus games bring my family together like nothing else.

Another thing I've learned is to not go into Thanksgiving worrying about what other people think of me. There was one Thanksgiving (while in treatment) when I was determined to appear as though I was "like everyone else". I wanted to eat a lot at the Thanksgiving meal in front of my family so that they would think I was doing well. I wanted them to be proud of me. But the truth was I was still terrified of weight gain. I decided I would just eat all of my calories at one meal, Thanksgiving dinner. It backfired horribly. Going from empty to super full was too much for me to handle. While some people might be able to eat just one giant meal on Thanksgiving, I think for a lot of people in recovery going from empty to stuffed is pretty overwhelming. It certainly was for me. I might have pulled off the illusion to my family that I was doing well, but it cost me. In a panic, I ended up in tears after using eating disorder behaviors to get rid of the fullness. I had not used eating disorder behaviors in several months and was so disappointed that I had let myself slip up. All because I was so concerned about what my family thought of me.

Finally, as I have healed, I have learned how to stay in my own lane. My recovery is MY recovery. My family and friends will make comments about how fattening their Thanksgiving food is. They will make comments about their weight. And they will talk about their post-dinner exercise plans to "make up for it". It's all they know. It has nothing to do with me, the way I eat, or the way I see my body. While I don't like their comments, I acknowledge that they haven't taken those thoughts to the extreme obsession that I have in the past. Their "stuff" is separate from mine. I know they have no way of truly understanding the living Hell that eating disorders are, and what I have been delivered from. So I lead by example. All eyes are still on me at Thanksgiving, but now for a different reason, I think. I eat what I want without guilt. I talk about how yummy the food is. I keep my eyes on my own plate. I don't owe anyone an explanation for what's on my plate and I have nothing to prove. I laugh, I play, and I give thanks.

My tricks for enjoying Thanksgiving in recovery have nothing to do with food. These are things that help calm my anxiety and change the way I think. I hope this finds everyone well this holiday season. I pray that this Thanksgiving will be a time of thanks and grace in the lives of those in recovery and their families. Full recovery is possible. Healing is possible.

Mental Health Awareness Month

May 22, 2018 By Genie Burnett

Mental Health Awareness Month Often times when the topic of health comes about, we tend to focus on the physical. We are reminded to exercise regularly and eat healthy so that our bodies can be well-maintained. Mental health has frequently been left out of the conversation of individual's overall heath. Defined as a person's condition with regards to their psychological and emotional well-being, mental health has an endless impact on our day to day lives. Generally speaking, mental health becomes the focus when there is an 'illness' involved. When an individual is unable to maintain their emotional wellness is when we become more aware of the importance of mental health, but this does not have to be the case.

Your mental well-being can be exercised, similarly to when you would go on a run to maintain your cardiovascular health. The more time you spend proactively insuring your mental well-being, the more prepared you will be when life deals you a difficult situation. Stress tolerance, coping skills, and self-care are areas that you can become more well versed in, so as to maintain your emotional well-being.

Take some time to find ways to be proactive about your mental health, avoiding having to be reactive in situations to come.

Nancie Ferdinand, LAPC

The “Average” Robin Williams

September 1, 2013 By Genie Burnett

The death of Robin Williams this week has stimulated a lot of buzz about depression and mental illness in general. Many ask "How could he do that? Why? What was going on in his mind?" Truth is, no one can really tell who has a mental illness, or why they decide that death is better than the pain they feel.

I've dealt with many people who have varying levels of depression - in my office, in my personal life, and at times, personally. I really don't even like the word depression, because I have learned that it is a combination of factors that interact and can take on a life of their own.

Compare depression to the structure of a house:

The cement foundation = genetics. Some are predisposed to the genetics of emotional instability.

The truss (main support beam) is equivalent to negative beliefs, which supports the rest of the structure.

The floors are akin to negative feelings, which may be wobbly or uneven.

The walls are like the negative actions, which is what we see, cover up, and observe most readily.

Once this structure has been created, an internal cycle emerges. This cycle can range in intensity, which, when severe enough, can cause negative thoughts and feelings to feel like a black hole. This is when reality becomes vague - to the point that the depressed person loses touch with him/herself and what is truth. I've had clients tell me that they get into an emotional fog and lose memory, and become desperate to make the pain stop. Some people act out their pain (self-injury, gambling, drinking, e.g.) others act inwards, towards themselves. Suicide is an act which involves both.

The negative cycle in depression is a part of why people develop eating disorders. They have the underlying structure and cycle that results in bingeing, purging, restricting or any combination thereof. I want to educate others about the "why" of eating disorders, and believe that the words of a recent 16 year-old client beautifully illustrate her experience of how her depression and Binge Eating connect:

After my friend read my private journal, which had my most private thoughts in it, she told my school counselor, who then told my parents. She also told some of my friends, which caused me to feel really uncomfortable, because I wanted to be "off the radar." I felt that I was treated like I was retarded, that everyone was walking on eggshells around me. I pretended that I was happy, and hid behind my smile and "party" behavior. I began to drink excessively to cope with the lies, pain, and depression. I ate in order to smother the tears that tried to come out - and to help myself feel my body again. I really don't remember much about my life during that time because was in a mental and emotional fog. My life became a blur - I don't recall situations that my friends would talk to me about. I felt disconnected from myself and my life - like I wasn't in my body, but I was watching me from above. When I found out that it wasn't normal, that's when I became more angry, scared, hurt, and felt like it [my pain] was bubbling out all over the place. That's when I decided to come and see you.

Fortunately, she is now well on her way to recovery. She has learned to use her voice and communicate the unspeakable pain she's kept inside. She continues to develop new beliefs about who she is, versus believing that she is unlovable or unimportant. She is learning how to manage her racing thoughts and overwhelming feelings. She is growing by leaning into her pain.

If you are an "Average" Robin Williams, and have been stuffing, avoiding, or acting out your pain in destructive ways, please seek a professional that you trust. Talk to them like you've never talked before. Find your voice. Take your medication, if it's warranted. Keep trying.

You CAN restructure and redecorate that house without tearing it down.