One Night Rodeo is performing at the Pre-Tournament Concert for the Manna Tee Golf Fundraiser, and the lyrics in the song ‘Alive and Living’ are quite fitting for the cause! There is a difference in being alive and living. I believe that the Manna Fund gives individuals the opportunity to know that difference by sharing with them the gift of recovery from life threatening eating disorders.
The Difference in Being Alive and Living by Hannah Dugger
Have you ever gone out to the lake and gone to the notorious cliff rock that everyone talks about? Do you know the feeling of standing on the edge of the cliff and looking down at the water below you… every instinct telling you to climb back down and get back in the boat??
If you have ever been brave enough to make the leap… you know the feeling in your stomach when the fear transitions to excitement somewhere in between the cliff and the water below. It is true that we can be alive and stand on the cliff and never make the leap… but we can truly live when we make the jump and find ourselves free falling into the water below. The excitement and thrill that accompanies the adventure and courage to live is beyond words.
I am the kind of girl that when I go out to the cliff rock I make my best friend go before me. I need to know that when I jump I will land in a deep enough pool of water; I need to know that nothing dangerous and life threatening is waiting at the bottom of the cliff. The joy on my friends face as she emerges from the water and looks up at me on the cliff gives me the encouragement to put one foot in front of the other and make the jump.
Three years ago I found myself scared and trembling at the top of a cliff; it was not a cliff like you might be thinking of, but it was definitely a cliff in my life journey. I had been struggling with anorexia and bulimia for ten years, and I knew that my life had become unmanageable. I was, in fact, alive, but I was most definitely NOT living. I was scared to death of recovery because I knew it was going to be hard; I knew that it meant making the decision to ask for and receive help. It meant letting go of what I held to be true and jumping into the unknown.
I could not have made the decision to ask for help and begin working towards making that leap of faith if it had not been for my very best friend waiting for me on the other side. My best friend was the first recipient of the Manna Scholarship Fund, and she had made the leap into a life of recovery; she was transitioning from simply being alive to truly living an ABUNDANT life! She was the girl waiting in the water of life showing me that I was going to land safely.
She spoke truth into my fear and brokenness. She never once denied that the fear I was feeling was not real. She validated my emotions, but with a gentle spirit guided me to the edge of the cliff and encouraged me to make the leap. I was scared, but for the first time in my life was able to see that the only way to truly live was to trust the voice in the water and JUMP!
No, I am not a direct recipient of the Manna Scholarship Fund, but the gift of life that was given to her she shared with me, and I will continue to share the life I have received with others standing at the top of the cliff as long as I live. It is the scariest leap I have ever made, but I would not go back. I have been in recovery for three years. I have experienced more love, life, and joy in the good times and the hard times in the past three years than I ever thought possible.
So, just as the lyrics in ‘Alive and Living’ say, “Somewhere in mid air you go from scared to knowing there is a difference in being alive and living… It’s your life and it’s dying to know the difference in being alive and living!” Trust me when I say that the life I thought I was living in my eating disorder was NO life at all. Choosing recovery has given me the abundant life that my heart was designed for from the beginning!